I forgot to start my week with a reason to lose weight. This week I will dedicate to the one thing that most men hate, but I would love to do in comfort and that is shop for clothes. I know guys, I’m a traitor on this one, but I’ll let you in on a little secret… when you can’t find clothes that fit, it makes you WANT to be able to go shopping. I’m sure if I was trim and fit, I wouldn’t shop any more than necessary, but not being able to find fitting clothes makes it absolutely humiliating and frustrating.

I have a problem that many fat guys don’t. I’m both big AND tall. This means that a size 4x shirt that would fit someone who is my size but 4-5 inches shorter, is a stretch to keep tucked in at best for a guy of my size. At 6′4 350lbs (starting weight) I find that clothes don’t fit in one of two directions. If I buy a shirt in a LONG size, then it isn’t big enough around. If I buy it in a BIG size, it is cut like a barrel, big around but not very long. So, my choice is have my gut hang out, have a skin tight shirt or simply wear something far to big for my body and look frumpy.

There are few things in the world that make me want to cry, but the frustration of shopping for clothes as a big and tall guy is enough to tip me that direction. I loathe formal events and social situations that warrant me getting new clothes or dressing a certain way. Weddings, parties, even bars with dress codes tend to stress me out. My leisure clothes are shorts and a t-shirt typically. If you are a fat man, you know there are few pairs of jeans out there for you and being comfortable in them is just not a reality.

So, I am going to stay on track with Medifast, complete my weight loss program seeing it through to goal, and I’m going to go on a shopping spree for clothes that fit! That is a simple pleasure that people who have never been fat will probably never understand.

Anyone who knows me can tell you that I can be seen each morning starting my day with a Low Carb Monster energy drink and will be spotted with various diet sodas throughout the day. I am a diet soda fiend of sorts, consuming at least 32oz. of diet soda plus a 16oz. energy drink each day… and that is on a light day. Other days, I may start out with a 44oz. fountain soda and move on to cans when I’m at work. It has been an addiction of sorts, no doubt about that and even more so it is a red flag to the kind of over-indulgent behavior that has no doubt led to my obesity.

Yesterday, the world heard the news that artificial sweeteners have been linked to over-eating and difficulty losing weight. Apparently the pseudo-sugars are more likely to cause over-eating and long term insulin release then regular table sugar. That is frightening considering almost every diet product on the market uses one kind of sweetener or another. Is it true? Well it would appear it is in laboratory rats anyway and that is good enough for me. After my non-loss last week, I’m abandoning my energy drinks and diet sodas for water. Not flavored water, no branded sports water… just plain old water.

One thing that drinking all of that diet soda has done to me is decreased the amount of water I drink to next to none. We all know from every weight loss program we have ever been on that drinking lots of water is one of the keys to success! So, I will stop on my way in to work and get a half-gallon jug of water to get me through my day. I have no delusions of what the sudden loss of caffeine is going to feel like, but I am determined to stay on the Medifast Program and get this weight off once and for all. Suffering some caffeine headaches and going without are part of the process, after all it is my over-indulgence that got me here in the first place so it will become an important part of my lifestyle change to do away with things that I know will just eventually lead me back down the path to failure.

Perhaps I was a bit too hasty to feel frustrated by my apparent lack of weight loss this past week. One thing I have never really tracked and maybe it is just a “man thing”, is inches. I just wait for weight to come off and I track progress by the pound. There is probably some truth to the idea I’m too lazy to measure myself as well, but I would never admit something like that! *cough*

Anyway, while I was feeling frustrated this morning, I had not yet gotten dressed for work. During the weekend I’m usually wearing loose fitting clothes (T-shirt, etc.) and not aware of my body mass really. When I went to put on my work pants (dress slacks) and belt this morning, I was surprised to find that they were actually loose and my belt had moved to the smallest notch possible. That means I have lost at least 2 inches of waist in the last 2 weeks! It was an awesome feeling as my work clothes have been fitting uncomfortably tight around the waist and to have them feel loose is amazing.

I had been noticing that my gut was un-tucking my shirt less frequently as of late, but I’m happy to report I’m cinched and tucked! No worries!

See, I just need to track my weight loss in pounds AND in inches!

I’m frustrated sure, but I’m not going to let it stop me. After weighing in this morning I found I had lost no weight this week. I am frustrated, but I am not surprised. Last week’s 11lbs. loss stayed off, but was probably a bit too much for my body to handle at once, so I’m sure I am balancing out this week. I’ve also noticed as I have turned 35 that my weight loss is less and less easy, coming off in spurts, but never as a constant. I’m continuing on the program undeterred by this week’s development and hoping that next week’s weigh in will be significantly better.

Adding to my lack of loss was most certainly missed meals over the weekend. I had a touch of the stomach flu and was drinking a lot of fluids and not getting in my Medifast meals due to an upset stomach. So, I can honestly say that I didn’t 100% work the program for the last couple of days this week and I noticed that I went from a 2lbs loss to breaking even from the week before (I weigh daily). I am feeling better today and will hopefully be back on track for a decent loss this week.

I have always been guilty of food “sniping” when it comes to trying to lose weight. I’m sure I’m far from alone on this one, we’ve all done it and it needs to stop. What the heck is food sniping you ask? Food sniping is picking off little bits of food here and there, mostly stuff you shouldn’t be eating but you justify it by telling yourself a little lie that goes something like this “Oh, this one cookie won’t make a difference…” or “I can have a couple of croutons in my salad, it won’t make a bit of difference”.

These little lies might actually be true if it was an experience that was seldom done, but the thing about sniping food is that it might start with tidbits of food here and there, but the more you do it the more often you do and the bigger quantities you take. Sooner or later you’ll find yourself eating a ton of stuff and you aren’t even going to be aware of how much it really is because that little lie you told yourself while you are eating it some how works on your brain to erase the memory of it. This is why so many weight loss programs involve journaling your food intake.

I’m guilty of it as of late and I’m writing about it now to expose my little secret so I will stop doing it before it gets to a point where it is affecting my weight loss. I am guilty of eating some croutons this past week on a salad, not just one or two but a bunch. That is a big no-no when you are on Medifast, a plan which relies heavily on a strict reduction in carbs in order to keep the body in a state of ketosis. Some other examples of food sniping might include eating stray froot loops that fall out of the bowl when you’re making your kid breakfast or having a “bite” of something laying around the kitchen, like cake. There are dozens of ways to snipe food and each one of them involves you telling yourself a little lie, saying to yourself “That little piece of food doesn’t count and won’t hurt me”.

The truth is it all adds up and for me, it paints a bigger picture of how I got fat in the first place. There are many lies fat people tell ourselves about how we look, what we eat, how much we eat, etc. There are dozens of partial truths that go along with the excess tonnage. For me, part of the healing process is admitting to myself that I’m not honest about food. I’m telling the world because it is one bad habit I really need to break myself of if I’m going to have any chance of being successful. I know the Medifast Program works if I work it. I will be successful if I can conquer all of those bad habits that made me the way I am to begin with.

I know it’s hard, if it was easy there wouldn’t be a thousand gimmicks and fad diets out there trying to convince us that you can lose weight without changing your diet or exercise routine, but by simply taking a pill. If it were easy, cabbage would be flying off the shelf and cabbage soup would be the most consumed food in the world. But the reality is weight loss is difficult. It isn’t difficult from a physiological stand point… as I maintained from early on, I’m a big believer in the basic premise that you can’t gain weight unless you are over-eating for your size, metabolism and activity level. Where it is hard is in the mental aspects. To succeed we need to be honest with ourselves and we need to identify and stop those habits which are killing us.

So as of today, I give up on food sniping for good. If it isn’t part of a meal I should be eating, I’m not going to eat it. The stray bits of kids’ cereal can go right back in the bowl or in the garbage. I will not lie to myself about what I eat.

Well, it is 5:30 a.m. and I have just returned from completing my sleep study at a local clinic. When the test was over, I was surprised by the results. A couple of years ago I underwent a sleep study at the urgings of my doctor after complaining of insomnia. At the time I was tipping the scales at about 350lbs. making me a likely candidate for Sleep Apnea. That study concluded I have no Apnea. This shocked the doctor, as did my blood work that showed excellent blood pressure, cholesterol and other vital stats. It would seem I was 350lbs and healthy, which in itself was odd.

Fast forward two years to this morning. My initial sleep study showed that I stop breathing when on my back and/or when I dream at a rate of about 10 times per hour. That might sound like a lot, but the sleep technician was banking on me hitting about 35 times per hour and was shocked when I didn’t. The insurance company likes to see you hit 15 times per hour before they will pay for treatment, which is a CPAP mask which maintains pressure in your airway to ensure you breath all night. Since I didn’t hit the magical number, I most likely will be denied treatment, unless my doctor can somehow convince the insurance thugs that I really need it. Typical for America huh?

What worries me most about this whole experience is the onset of symptoms and problems. I’m not a doctor by any means, but since a major cause of Sleep Apnea is obesity, it isn’t a far leap in one’s mind to conclude that over time, my weight is becoming more and more of a health issue. It is all the more reason to stick the Medifast Program and get myself healthy. Who knows, maybe the next problem is cholesterol or blood pressure, perhaps even diabetes! Knock on wood I don’t have trouble with anything else and that I’m able to head off my future medical problems through some smart weight management.

Today is one of those days that is a great example of why you need to be a strong person if you are going to look at the scale between weigh-in dates. I have not lost a single pound since Sunday and it is a little depressing. I realize that my dramatic weight loss last week probably triggered some compensation in my body that said “Whoa… what’s going on here?” so I’m not overly alarmed. Never-the-less, when you are fat and trying to lose weight, you want your sacrifices of food to mean something. I’m not going to dwell on it, I know that by week’s end I will have dropped a couple of pounds and all will be right in the world.

Some good news for today is that I’m going to get another sleep study done. One of the contributing factors to my weight problem is my sleeping problems. I have 3-4 week cycles of sleeplessness that end when my body is so exhausted I simply crash for a couple of nights of solid rest, then it all begins again. When you don’t sleep, your body uses over-eating as a coping mechanism (I have no idea why) and that has been a problem for me for some time. So, tonight I will sleep in a clinic where they will monitor my sleep patterns and see what they can find. Generally, a person of my size is likely to suffer from sleep apnea, a condition where you literally stop breathing while sleeping. This wakes you up over and over again throughout the night making a good night sleep impossible. I have been checked with a sleep study once before and they found nothing, so this may be another wild goose chase, but at least my doctor is trying to help me figure this all out!

If you think about it, being fat has a lot of catch-22s in it. In my case, being fat may have caused sleeplessness, which causes over-eating, which causes over-eating, which causes… you get the picture. It is a vicious cycle we live as fat people and it can be a struggle to dig out. I commend anyone who is facing this challenge and sticking to their program!

As I start my day, I remember that my key to success is to stick with it. I know if I work the Medifast program the right way, I will be successful. The only thing that will stop me from achieving my goals is… well, me! I got my Medifast Community email this morning suggesting I set goals and rewards. I’m not sure about the reward yet, but I am setting an end of February goal of being under 300lbs. which is quite a large task considering I’m at 334 at the moment! I can do it though, especially once I’m back on my mountain bike shortly! Having been a salesman for years, I know that setting a higher goal is important to creating drive. If I said I want to finish the month losing 10lbs, I know I could easily do that, so what would be the point? I wouldn’t have to focus or try, I could just coast into it. By setting a much higher goal, I know that I will be forced to strictly adhere to my program and I will need to exercise to get there. If I miss it, but come close I will not be disappointed in the least, I will be happy I struggle for more!

My cravings have definitely left the building and I’m finding myself more focused then ever on staying on track with the Medifast Program. I feel things turning from my old life to a new way of thinking and behaving towards food and my daily diet.

I promised myself I would list a reason each week for wanting to lose the weight and this week that reason is amusement parks. I know, sounds weird right? Bear with me. Many summers ago, my wife and I went to Six Flags in southern California with another couple for a weekend getaway.

It wasn’t long after we got there I realized that I was going to be sweatin’ out every single ride, worrying about whether I would fit on it or not. About the third coaster we chose was an overhead one that suspends you from the track. I got in the seat and the park employee could not get my harness to buckle down. Finally the attendant gave up and asked me to leave the ride. I was at the front of the ride and I had held everyone up for what seemed like days and walking to the far side of the platform was for me the longest walk of shame I have ever experienced in my life.

My wife who isn’t much of a thrill seeker had opted not to ride this particular coaster and was waiting for me at the exit. As I told her what had happened I was trying really hard not to break down. There is just no way to explain what it feels like to have dozens of people staring at you as your fat butt lumbers away in defeat.

For the rest of that day, I found myself on the verge of an emotional breakdown each time I got into a new ride. It was an awful feeling. It would well up inside me as we waited in line, the dread of “Will I fit?” It ruined the rest of my day there and the next one and I’m sure it took away some of the joy my wife and friends were feeling.

We went to another theme park just this last summer with the same friends and I found myself feeling the same things and I avoided even trying to ride most things to avoid the same feelings of dread, shame and sadness. I still managed to have a good time with my kids, but it could have been a lot better.

My wife is bugging me to go to Disneyland with the kids now that they are getting older, which I think would be amazing for them. But I find myself humming and hawing the idea for many of the same reasons. The situation is only compounded by the fact I suffer from a mild to moderate case of Agoraphobia, the fear of open places, crowds, etc. This is something that doesn’t fit will with the idea of Disneyland and add to that my apprehensions based on my size and you have a pretty strong internal dialog keeping you at home.

So if not for me, I will lose this weight in part to ensure I’m not robbing my kids of any childhood memories they could be having. It makes me feel further ashamed to think of all of the things I probably take away from family and friends because I’m too fat to do them or feel comfortable doing.

Well, a week has gone by and I’m still focused and strong! I have made some mistakes and learned from them, I have conquered the majority of my cravings and I’m more determined than ever to stick with the Medifast program.

You’ll notice I never say “diet” when I talk about my journey. There are a number of reasons for this and I suppose the dumbest of which is simply referring to a lifestyle change with a word containing “die” has some negative impact on my thinking.

The biggest reason I never use the word diet (other than to speak of past weigh loss attempts) is that I am trying to focus on what I am really doing which is changing the way I eat and view food in general. I am on a program to reduce my body weight and keep it off. It is a journey and a lifestyle, not a fad! Diets are for waif-like actresses who eat popcorn for a week to get a part in a movie, not for people who need serious, life-changing weight loss. We need a “weight loss program” and some thinking changes!

Anyway, the moment you’ve all been waiting for (well, I have been waiting for), my weigh-in. I’m excited to say I finished week 1 with a whopping 11lbs. of weight loss! I am so stoked! I know, I know, the first week is always huge and I shouldn’t expect to see the same next week. Call it water weight, call it what you like, I call it 11lbs. less of my butt stretching out my pants and a major victory for a fat guy like me!

I’d love to say my Super Bowl weekend has been perfect as far as weight loss and following the program go, but I would be lying. A couple of things happened that show that I still have some work to do on overall lifestyle choices and planning my eating situations.

The first set-back I encountered was alcohol. Some long-time friends my wife and I haven’t seen in a while due to our busy lives dropped by Saturday night for a visit. Then some neighbors came by and before we knew it we had a mini-party underway. I have to be perfectly honest, I was planning on having some drinks from the get-go, but I didn’t expect to have any many as I did.

Knowing I was going to drink, I knew I was going to have to make the “safest” possible selection in cocktails. Beer was straight out because of the high carb count and overall calories involved. I chose to drink Vodka mixed with a Diet Cranberry juice which was low in carbs.

I know a couple of things about alcohol and weight that are key to remembering. Number one, alcohol itself isn’t carb heavy, however the body metabolizes it as a pseudo carbohydrate and reacts in a similar fashion. Number two, while any significant amount of alcohol is in your blood stream your metabolism will slow to a greatly reduced rate, making anything you eat more likely to become fat. All-in-all it is an extremely poor choice to make if trying to diet or lose weight.

Although I had more than enough drinks Saturday night, I managed to steer clear of unwanted eating. Now this sounds like a victory, but I knew I was in for trouble when I woke up in the morning. My favorite cure of a hangover has always been food. In fact, I usually crave starchy foods heavy in carbohydrates. I don’t know if this is something my body does in particular or if it is normal, either way I crave double cheeseburgers, french fries and fountain soda! When I got up, I knew I was going to want to eat, so I made myself a low-carb favorite… an omelet with cottage cheese in it. I know, it probably doesn’t sound good, but they are quite tasty. I got breakfast out of the way and settled in for along day.

By mid-afternoon I had gotten in some Medifast Meals and was doing quite good on the hunger and hangover road. I was beginning to think things were going to be alright. I ran some errands and cleaned up around the house. Before I knew it the time to go to a friend’s Super Bowl party had arrived. Away we went for yet another round of temptations.

I didn’t plan ahead and had nothing to eat for hours going into the party. At one point I realized I would need to eat something, so I just set out to make some decent choices. I have to admit, it was hard. I’m a big fan of bread, especially giant party sub sandwiches! I sucked it up though and I ate some hot wings and a few pizza rolls. I know there were some carbs had there, but not a ton and it was the safest choice.

I guess what I learned this weekend was I will not always make perfect choices and I will not always be able to avoid bad eating situations, but I can certainly plan for them better. I should have been right on target eating wise prior to that last get together, so staying focused is going to be key.

Second, I know that alcohol needs to not be part of my general lifestyle. I know I love to have some drinks with friends a couple of weekends a month, but I need to avoid this until I have finished the program and made some permanent changes to the way I eat.

Most importantly, I made up my mind about “slipping” or “cheating” on my program. There is no sense in letting a mistake or two (or five) derail me from my overall goal. I’m not going to feel guilty or get down on myself over my mistakes this weekend, I will chalk them up to being human and I will learn from them. Having a slip throughout the day is no reason to throw away the rest of the day, or week or to give up on the journey. It is what it is and I will move on unaffected by it other than some determination not to do it again!