Well after finally crashing and getting a decent nights sleep, I started my morning with a bit of motivation. As I was passing in front of the bathroom mirror heading for the shower, I noticed some definite changes in my overall body shape. Not just a reduction of pounds, but I can actually see a normal shape resuming to my body features. Not to go too far into the world of what a fat naked man looks like as I’m sure no one wants that, I can point out a couple of notable things.

I have never had “back fat” before this last weight gain that put me up to 350lbs. I noticed it in the last couple of months, areas of fat like slabs of meat hanging off my shoulder blades. It is very depressing. This morning I noticed that it’s all but gone. Another somewhat funny, but very humiliating part of my man fat is “Man Boobs” or “Moobs”. However you want to refer to it funny or not, the issue of having considerable fat on your chest as a man is very humiliating. The appearance of breast-like features is a horrible thing for a man to bear. For me it has always been a marker of considerable weight gain. I know that I have crossed the barrier of “acceptable” weight gain when they appear. I’m happy to say mine are almost gone! At least I’m getting some comfort early on in this process of weight loss. I guess it’s all about the small victories.

Body image is quite a complex thing for most fat people. How many times do we justify our weight when we find clothes that fit and/or slim our appearance? It’s like the fact someone makes clothes big enough to fit my fat physique has always given me this mental and emotional crutch to tell myself I’m not that fat and that I look good. The reality is standing in a mirror head-on may allow me to see an acceptable “body image”, a lie that says I’m not that fat, but I am in reality horribly fat. It is very strange, it is a sort of visual denial I can only imagine compares to the justification a drug addict uses when stealing from their family or friends.

The truth in body image for me has always been found in photographs. I love myself in the mirror quite often and loathe myself in the same clothes when photographed. The distance of view and context of being around other people and objects puts into perspective for me the massive shape that is my body. I am no longer going to lie to myself and tell myself I am thin by looking in the mirror. The real truth will come in inches and pounds. I will continue my journey of weight loss until I find myself at or below a 38 inch waist and closer to 200lbs. I am a big man, broad in the chest and standing a towering 6′4. But, this is no excuse of letting myself weigh in heavier then I should.

Goals are important and for body image my goals are simple. I want to wear no larger then a XL shirt and size 38 pants. That seems pretty cut and dry. Having these measurable goals in mind will allow me to continue on without excuses until I reach a healthy weight!