As I blog here, I try my best to keep up with comments and respond to all of you who reach out and leave kind words behind. I am as inspired by your comments as some of you are by reading my emotional journey on my weight loss program with Medifast. One comment in particular that I had previously overlooked really caught my attention today and I felt both the comment and my response belonged here on the front page so it would not go unread by new visitors.

Here is the comment left by Barbara Lee:

Hang in there Brett. You almost sound identical to my oldest son Michael. I love him so, and as his mom I have always tried to be supportive of him but he has never thought so. but when I read your blog about your health his has always been good, but he has always had a weight problem and I am sure I am to blame for the biggest problem there also by always telling him finish your food, all rewards were food related, my being from the south and cooking with enough flour and fattening foods to completely ruin anyone’s health, but now he is over 35 and when you made the statement about being over 35 I was just like you know he would say typical mom. I am worried that he believes all diets are bogus and all diet companies are trying to take your cash. I wish you could talk to him. His wife is a nurse and is very overweight herself. They are both around 6feet tall and I would say close to 400 pounds each. Maybe less but you know it is hard to tell when you are that big. I have been overweight all my life and I know the struggle, at present I am around 145,5?3? which all the charts say I am still 35 pounds overweight, well they should have seen me at 250 now that was good. But I now worry about my sons health would you consider a short word of advice to his wife, or just a copy of progressive obesity, turn on a light for both of them.

To Barbara Lee:

First and foremost there is no blame to lay on one person for your son’s weight. I would say that the weight problem he experiences and that I experience are a product of society in general and how we have evolved as a people. If you had raised him with smaller portions and healthy entrees the grim reality is that by the time he was a teenager he would most likely be eating junk like the rest of the country. We have unfortunately become a society of over-indulgence and instant gratification, so taking the blame for his situation is not warranted or going to do you any good. Remember he is an adult and has the power of choice at his fingertips.

As far as all diets being bogus and just out for money… well there is some truth to that statement. The weight loss industry is a multi-billion dollar monster and it grows with the waistlines of Americans each year. Are there bogus programs, drugs and exercise machines out here? Sure! I can tell you from experience that there is no miracle cure. No pill is going to make you lose weight without a change to your diet and exercise routines. No wonky exercise device will replace normal, healthy exercise patterns. The miracle cure is an urban legend, a unicorn of sorts all of us fat people reach for over and over again because deep down inside we know that what we have become took years and getting back to healthy will take just as long if not longer. More importantly it is hard work and it is a process of breaking a thousand bad habits.

So, are all weight loss products bad? No. There are lots of good plans out there, but they only work when followed. Medifast works because it isn’t a diet; it is a weight loss program. It isn’t a fad; it is a method of changing your lifestyle. But it only works if you want it and you follow it.

I realize your son and his wife are probably wrapped up in the same denial the rest of the obese population are and there is little anyone can say to change their thinking. The addiction to food is like any other addiction…the person has to want to lose the weight and has to want a lifestyle change. I have for years said I would put food addiction against heroin addiction any day of the week. Think about it, once you are addicted to food, you can’t just give it up like getting treatment for cocaine addiction or alcoholism where you simply abstain from consumption. You need food to survive! You have a much rougher journey ahead of you as you must learn to co-exist with your demons, you must master them. I would challenge anyone to say they can control any other addiction in that manner. It just doesn’t happen.

Again, this is a journey your son will not make unless he has reached a moment of clarity so to speak, a place where he wants his health and a normal life more then he wants a burger or some deep fried goodies. Although you may want to help him along the way, I’m not sure if there is any good way to do that. You can tell him you support him, but ultimately he needs to find the courage for himself.

One thing I can say for us fat people is that most of us are great liars and master manipulators. We make all sorts of excuses of how we got fat and why we continue to be fat. We talk about genetics, glandular problems, etc. and a host of other good excuses, but the simple reality is that we are fat because we do little to nothing to control our food intake in both volume and quality. Not “Super Sizing” your fast food meal isn’t healthy eating; it is just making an excuse of why it is okay to eat food we know isn’t good for us. We justify this and excuse away that. We are the masters of “it’s not my fault”.

I am a people watcher and one thing that strikes me as odd is how far fat people will go to defend our “rights”. I recall one group for the advancement of fat people as having lobbied to create a protected class for obesity and to force airlines to install bigger seats. Being fat isn’t something we should aspire to protect, we should work to reduce it. To me these folks represent the worst of the worst and are so wrapped up in denial they will never be able to find that point in life where the change is needed.

As far as age and health goes, I can tell you I was a healthy person up until about my 30th birthday despite being 300lbs most of my adult life. After coming down with a nasty flu virus, my underlying acid reflux flared up and caused Asthma and resulted in two years of misdiagnosis, multiple ER visits and two hospital stays of a week each. I have not fully recovered since and my weight as gone up considerably. I peeked about 2 years ago at 350, got back down to 285 and again this year found myself back at 350 pounds. It has been a difficult roller coaster to say the least and a very emotional part of my life.

I have now made a commitment to myself to see this through this time and even if I stumble along the way, I can still see the goal…I will get up and press on until I reach a point when my health is not a constant worry and my weight isn’t a physical and social limitation. If your son is going to make a change, he will have to make the same sort of personal commitment to do this for himself. He can’t do it for his wife, his kids, you or anyone else. He has to do it for himself and no one else. My heart goes out to you and your family and I hope you show him this post and he can find some truth in it.