My cravings have definitely left the building and I’m finding myself more focused then ever on staying on track with the Medifast Program. I feel things turning from my old life to a new way of thinking and behaving towards food and my daily diet.

I promised myself I would list a reason each week for wanting to lose the weight and this week that reason is amusement parks. I know, sounds weird right? Bear with me. Many summers ago, my wife and I went to Six Flags in southern California with another couple for a weekend getaway.

It wasn’t long after we got there I realized that I was going to be sweatin’ out every single ride, worrying about whether I would fit on it or not. About the third coaster we chose was an overhead one that suspends you from the track. I got in the seat and the park employee could not get my harness to buckle down. Finally the attendant gave up and asked me to leave the ride. I was at the front of the ride and I had held everyone up for what seemed like days and walking to the far side of the platform was for me the longest walk of shame I have ever experienced in my life.

My wife who isn’t much of a thrill seeker had opted not to ride this particular coaster and was waiting for me at the exit. As I told her what had happened I was trying really hard not to break down. There is just no way to explain what it feels like to have dozens of people staring at you as your fat butt lumbers away in defeat.

For the rest of that day, I found myself on the verge of an emotional breakdown each time I got into a new ride. It was an awful feeling. It would well up inside me as we waited in line, the dread of “Will I fit?” It ruined the rest of my day there and the next one and I’m sure it took away some of the joy my wife and friends were feeling.

We went to another theme park just this last summer with the same friends and I found myself feeling the same things and I avoided even trying to ride most things to avoid the same feelings of dread, shame and sadness. I still managed to have a good time with my kids, but it could have been a lot better.

My wife is bugging me to go to Disneyland with the kids now that they are getting older, which I think would be amazing for them. But I find myself humming and hawing the idea for many of the same reasons. The situation is only compounded by the fact I suffer from a mild to moderate case of Agoraphobia, the fear of open places, crowds, etc. This is something that doesn’t fit will with the idea of Disneyland and add to that my apprehensions based on my size and you have a pretty strong internal dialog keeping you at home.

So if not for me, I will lose this weight in part to ensure I’m not robbing my kids of any childhood memories they could be having. It makes me feel further ashamed to think of all of the things I probably take away from family and friends because I’m too fat to do them or feel comfortable doing.